ARTICLE
Stop asking kids “How was your day?”
Have you noticed that when you ask your children “how was your day?” they answer with a monosyllable – usually “fine” or “OK”.
The dead-end answers to your polite enquiry just closes the door to any information you hope to get about them and the day they had. In essence, you feel shut out.
Research by psychotherapists shows that asking ‘how was your day?’ doesn’t show that you’re truly interested in them — their likes, dislikes, decision-making, friends, teachers or strengths. It means more to ask questions that focus on the child’s daily processes.
When we acknowledge our kids’ feelings about the things they’ve experienced by asking something like, ‘What was the best part of your day,’ it shows them we truly care, and that builds their self-esteem. Connecting with kids about the highs and lows of their school days can help the parent-child bond.
1. ‘What was the best part of your day?’
This question gets kids to look for positives. Answering this question helps children build optimism and gratitude, which are both protective factors for mental health. Start off with your own positive experience, by telling them the best part of your own day. Your child is then more likely to share one of their own highlights.
2. ‘Did you like your lunch today?’
This can be one of the first things to ask your kids is. If they didn’t like it, they probably didn’t eat it. If they didn’t eat it, they’re probably going to be grumpy.
3. ‘What’s a mistake you learned from today?’
Helping them to talk about their errors openly reduces shame and helps kids see them as opportunities to grow and learn from the mistake in a non-judgmental atmosphere.
4. ‘What was the most interesting thing you learned today?’
This shows that you are interested in their academic performance and emphasises the importance of the learning process. You can also encourage kids to talk about what they learned aside from just their school subjects.
5. ‘Who were you proud of today?’
Turning their attention to others cultivates empathy. You are obviously then able to learn more about their relationships with other kids.
6. ‘Who did you help today?’
Questions like this stimulate prosocial behaviour. Asking often encourages kids to begin to look for opportunities to be helpful./p>
7. ‘If you had a magic wand to change one thing about today, what would it be?’
This helps kids identify feelings like frustration and disappointment without dwelling on those experiences. It also encourages a certain amount of problem-solving and planning on their behalf in order to avoid repeating the occurrence.
8. ‘ What’s something new you’d like to try?’
This encourages kids to be courageous and look outside their comfort zone. You can even ask them if there is something they would like to try just once.
Showing interest and asking nonjudgmental follow-up questions will help to keep the conversation going and give you insight into what happens in their lives when they’re away from you.
Alternatives to asking
“How was your day?”
- Who’d you sit next to today?
- What did you guys talk about?
- Did you see any acts of kindness today?
- Who did something goofy or silly today during break?
- Who was on their game during sports practice today?
- Who did you play with during break?
- Who can you go to when you’re sad, mad or unhappy at school?
- Who got in trouble today?
- Who made you feel good today?
